Autism Awareness Week

Happy Autism Awareness Week

This week on twitter I have been sharing a little of what it means for us having Dizzy and her autism in our lives.

Dizzy is 8. Dizzy has autism. She is funny and sweet and naughty just like her brother. Sometimes life is hard for her because usually she doesn't look autistic. Sometimes she doesn't behave like she is autistic. This is because she works hard to hide it, she has learnt how to be a chameleon and also because she is a girl.

Girls frequently are diagnosed later and often misdiagnosed in the first instance. Girls are less likely to be disruptive at school, more likely to have speech and less likely to have a train obsession.

Dizzy loves to dance. She loves to spin. This is because she has low responsiveness to vestibular activity. When a neurotypical person sits they receive sensory feedback. You feel the chair pushing you upwards and your weight pushing down. You feel the same through your feet on the floor. You feel yourself sitting still and you know that you are still. You feel balanced.

To feel balanced Dizzy needs to spin or hang upside down. To feel her bottom on a chair rather than hovering in mid air she needs a bumpy, wobbly cushion. To feel anchored by gravity she sometimes needs weights on her shoulders. I try to imagine how I would feel living my life on a boat, in a stormy sea, upside down, tied to enough helium balloons to lift me off the floor a little.

Dizzy also is quite popular. She has lots of friends and often children run up and hug her, walk down the street holding hands or choose to work in a group with her. Daisy likes friends. Sometimes she needs to have one friend at a time. She finds socialising with different people at once quite challenging. Dizzy always has one special friend she uses as a template for behaviour. Unfortunately due to finding being around many people at once confusing and anxiety provoking,she can sometimes be rude to her friends. This is never because she wants to be unkind. She just needs space and we are encouraging her to sat that instead of "I just don't like your face!!

Dizzy is lucky that she has an auntie who has ASD too. They look the same, share a talent for art and a passion for a good story despite neither being confident readers.

I have loved telling you all about Dizzy during Autism Awareness Week. Life as her mum is hard. Life as Dizzy is hard. But Dizzy herself is amazing.

I'm not sure we will ever find her autism a blessing in this life. We trust there is a purpose for any suffering, even if we cannot understand. She is a blessing though. Just as our neurotypical son is.

Little Fant Farm review

Spring is in the air which means country walks are back. Farms are such fun in the spring. Blossom on the trees, lambs skipping through the fields.

There is a lovely little farm near us. It has a tea barn selling delicious homemade cakes, apple and pear juice from their orchard and gigantic sausage rolls from the resident pigs.

Sadly Little Fant Farm is only open for 3 hours on a Sunday and extra days during the school holidays.

Bear celebrated his 5th birthday at the farm. Unfortunately it was a very wet day. The children didn't seem to mind at all but the adults were huddled together in the barn. The rain also meant that the craft activities I had taken with me had to be done under the shelter of the barn rather than on the picnic tables in the farm yard so it was a little cramped.

Sonia did facepainting whilst the children did a scavenger hunt. The farm lunch was great. A small sandwich, a slice of sausage roll, veg sticks and a piece of cake. Sonia made my cousin a separate dairy free equivalent too.

At Easter we enjoyed the Easter trail around the farm with counting, obstacles and puzzles to solve.

Best bits:
It's free! There is a small parking charge if you park at the farm. There is on street parking a short walk away. It is also walking distance from the Maidstone Hospital bus route and East Farleigh train station.

The sausage rolls are AMAZING!!

What about the boys?

Following on from my post about inspiring girls I have been thinking about boys.

Whilst preparing for international women's day and Aspirations day at school I thought how women and girls are really encouraged to be whatever they like. The success of the England women's football team and improving numbers of women in engineering etc are examples of how much more choice girls now have.

Do boys have this freedom? At 5 years old Bear does. At 8 years old, with no conscious encouragement from her parents, Dizzy informs her brother he cannot wear pink, he shouldn't use a pink cup and he shouldn't want a Frozen Kinder Egg!

Bear is a dancer. He is the single male in both his ballet and tap classes. His friends are mainly girls but he has 2 close male friends. One at school and one at church.

He has always loved playing mums and dads and schools.  His comforter is a Fisher price soft doll called Baby George who was a 1st birthday present and has gone most places with us since. I have had to tie George to his 'daddy with a long scarf on numerous outings. One year I had to 'help' George make a Father's day card for him to give to Bear!!

My nephew is not allowed a doll. He's not allowed a dolls pushchair.  I have asked his parents if they are afraid of him turning into a good parent so they are preventing him from practicing.

Bear loves playing schools. Primary schools are still very female dominated, especially in the infants and nursery settings. Bear is lucky that he has an amazing year 1 teacher Mr H. Bear adores this man. All I hear about is how funny he is. Bear frequently wants to make him things. He's planning to learn to knit to make Mr H a scarf! There is a male PE teacher and a male TA in year 2. 3 male members of staff out of around 40. Again, men in the minority.

Mr H is young, silly, cheeky and over excitable. He's very much like Bear. Whilst Bear shys away from rough play and rough and tumble at school he is very boisterous and active and often described as a typical boy. Both appear to be 'typical' boys (sorry Mr H , I have kids  I babysat for older than you!) doing what appears to be a typically female role.

When Bear was unwell, I was too. His Daddy stayed in hospital with him until I was recovered enough to. Every one seemed surprised. Why wasn't his mother there? When my daughter was in hospital, nobody asked why her father wasn't at her bedside. Dad's aren't all incapable and only able to babysit their children. They are an important part of a parenting team.

Why shouldn't male our children learn to be good dads, to clean, to cook when we expect our little girls to grow up and work like men?

My boy is not 'camp' or girly. He is boisterous and he has the male brain of an engineer. He also likes dancing to exercise, enjoys reading and has compassion for other people.  He cries when he is sad.

Why don't we, as a society, expect our boys to aspire to be anything they want to be? Why when it is socially unacceptable to pigeonhole girls into being mums, nursery workers and pretty are we belittling a man's ability to look after his child?

Just as my girl can be anything, so can my boy (and he doesn't have to be gay to do it!)

Girls can do anything!

International Women's Day was last week, Mothering Sunday and Aspirations Day at Dizzy and Bear's school was this week. Lots of celebrations for women.

I was reflecting on how we treat our daughters.  100 years on from getting the vote we have come a long way.  Women are able to be financially independent, meaning they can escape abusive fathers and husbands. My grandmother says she married to get out from her father's controlling nature. Her name wasn't allowed on the mortgage of her first marital home. This was only 50 years ago.

Women now work. Most jobs will have women doing them, even if they are in the minority. The glass ceiling still exists, with women generally earning less than men and less likely to be in senior or leadership roles.

Has fighting for equality made us lose sight of some of the wonderful ways women are different to men? Of course women can be pilots, engineers, fire fighters and mechanics. What about the things that only women can do?

Women grow babies, make food. Their bodies are made to nourish and respond to their children. It's biology. Working women are great. Working mothers are amazing (I did it for 7 years).

Women and mothers are important in their own right though. It would be sad if we didn't teach our daughters that they can be anything, and that choosing to be a wife and a mother is just as important as being a chief executive or an astronaut.

So inspire your sisters, daughters and nieces to be who they want to be. They should be valued as much as men. Support them to break through that glass ceiling if they choose their path. Inspire them to be the best wives and mothers and to be proud of being a woman and enjoy the amazing way they are different to men.

Hello Again

So, it's been a while. I have been keeping a diary for myself for a while now and I've found it really helpful.

I thought I might start to keep one of our adventures as a family, to look back on, to encourage others and to encourage storytelling for our children.

We have 2 children, 2 guinea pigs and a black cat called Luke.

Dizzy is our 8 year old daughter. Dizzy has sensory processing disorder and several other traits of autism. She loves drawing, craft, The Worst Witch, football (playing not watching) and holding and playing with babies (dolls and real ones).

Bear is our 5year old son.  He's a whirlwind of energy. He loves to read and loves to chat. Bear is Paw Patrol mad, loves cars and all related things, enjoys Horrid Henry and Julia Donaldson books.

These are our adventures, and non adventures. Luckily for Bear most things are adventures when you are 5 and have a little imagination!